As the darkness falls, the longing rises. As the sun sets below the horizon, and the container turns from blue to black, I turn from a woman of day to a woman of night. I become the bride of Christ.
I remove the colors that adorn me, the shades of gold that complement my hair, the shades of blue that bring out my eyes. I remove the watch that keeps me prompt and the jewels on my ears that join me to tribal women of the world over. For at night I wear white, nothing more. And I stand alone, not as part of any lineage.
Slowly I purify my body, cleansing it of ambition and fear, smoothing it of sharp edges, and jagged points. The chores of the day are lifted from my muscles and then deeper burdens, the heavier cares wash away. As my body lightens, it becomes an instrument for His symphony. It is tuned to His tune. It plays only His song.
I cleanse my mind, emptying it of human images, of people hungry and lost, of people wanting, wanting. I open my mind as the shore opens to the sea, by simply being there, in the way of the sea. And the waves rush in, unceasingly. Then my mind can wait, wait without hope, for Him to arrive.
As my body is washed clean as a bone dried in the desert sun, and my mind is as empty as the simple tone of a gong, I open to receive Him. I open like a new bride to her groom. And the smallest residue that remained in me of the day is pushed aside as He enters me slowly and fills me fully. And I know once again why I am a bride of Christ.
From The Holy Longing by Connie Zweig Ph.D.