Oversexed and Underloved

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“Oversexed and underloved” I heard these words yesterday when Jake Hamilton spoke them at the Women on the Frontlines international conference at Angelus Temple in LA. These words resounded within my being like a clanging gong; a reminder of what it was like to be without the substance, experience and encounter of the Powerful Love of our God as Father. I used to live the distorted cultural norm of oversexed and underloved and it led to deep despair. I longed with every fiber of my being to be loved, but because of early childhood trauma I was unable to receive it. I was deeply wounded, violated, and the traumatic events changed who I was. The walls I erected to protect me kept the thing I needed most from entering in. I settled for the world’s conditional love and it was a bitter pill.

I desperately needed to be loved, safe, secure, hidden, protected and cherished. Instead I was naked and vulnerable, fearful, easily triggered, easily startled, overwhelmed, doubtful, anxious and depressed. But all these things were pushed to the depths of my unconscious, my needs and desires killed to serve the needs and desires of others. Everyone loved the facade, the mask, the persona I wore, which just caused more despair that had to be buried even deeper. On the surface everything was wine and roses…

Strangely enough, the news of Clarence Thomas sexual harassment of Anita Hill (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anita_Hill) triggered a volcano of rage stuffed deep in my psyche and I physically reacted inside like a bomb went off. To someone who was always pleasing, seemingly happy, never angry, this shocked me! Sometimes we need a shock to wake up and rattle us into truth. Shaking is needed to shake out the truth from the lies we were fed. Night terrors began, shadows started to appear in my peripheral vision, weird psychic phenomenon, a panic attack at the dentist, and being overwhelmed by emotions that rose up suddenly in the strangest places.

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But God in his indescribable mercy, grace and goodness was titrating the steam, letting bits of the past rise to the surface so I could start to heal and be freed. Interesting also that God used men, those who had wounded and hurt me by their perverted seeing and doing, to heal me. I did not trust women at all feeling I had been sacrificed on the altar of men’s needs. I was truly seen for who I was on the inside the first time by Duane Lawrence, a professor at UCSD when I wrote something dark. His recognition unlocked something within me. When more layers of my depths rose to the surface, Walter Rutherford, a professor at SDUIS, heard and witnessed my deepest shame and looked into my eyes with real compassion. It changed who I was. Then when the volcano was about to erupt, John Firman, a professor at ITP, witnessed the eruption, held a space of safety, protection and understanding, so that when I opened my eyes and met his gaze, the eyes looking at me were the eyes of God. These were the first men who did not want anything from me; did not look at me as a sexual object; and valued the depths of who I was. They changed the course of my life…

I know that all three of these men had been through the depths of their pain so they were able to hear, witness and meet me in the depths of my despair. When someone has gone through the fire and come out the other side transformed, they are able to be with others in their pain as a guiding light. Mary Magdalene went from demonic possession to healed and whole through the Love of Jesus; those forgiven much can love much. She was able to be with Jesus at the cross when the men fled. As much as the three men were able to witness and behold the real being within me, we need the Living One, Jesus, to complete, heal, make whole, and give us the Perfect Love our soul requires. Nothing of this world can totally transform pain into Joy; despair into Peace; darkness into Light; and broken hearts into pure Love! We are able to take everything to Jesus because he has been to hell and back; his suffering is the worst torture that anyone has ever experienced; his fullness of Joy the end result of the finished work of the cross. Enter in!

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Jesus is the Living One who conquered more than any human ever has or ever will so he can be the SAFE HARBOR for our pain, trials, suffering and despair. He says, “Come to Me you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” He is the rock solid anchor for our soul (heart, mind, will). He is gentle, easy, full of Light, compassion, and understanding. He asks you to give him ALL your burdens and ALL your cares and be one with him! You give him everything you are and Jesus gives you EVERYTHING he is! We receive all the risen Christ’s authority and power of heaven and earth so nothing can harm us again! Nothing on the outside is greater than the Power of God on the inside! We receive the ascended Christ’s divine nature! We become sons of Abba! Father! We become brides of the spotless Lamb, meaning we become one body and one Spirit with God! We become spotless, pure, innocent, divine-natured, equally yoked brides of the Holy One!

But the Greatest Gift, the one that changes everything, is the actual substance of his Love as your Father! No one is excluded; you are his child and he is your Father and he LOVES YOU, all of you, and you do not need to hide anything because in his Gaze, in his Eyes, everything that is not Love melts, dissolves and transforms! You KNOW without a doubt this is Real Love because you experience the substance of it, it tears down the walls and defenses and lifts you up into it! You are rescued, delivered, set free; you are healed and begin to shine in its warm radiance! One drop and you will be forever transformed! One Gaze of his blazing eyes of Love and you are catapulted and captivated! God is Love, perfect Love, that casts out all fear, heals, transforms and makes us whole! Just come to Jesus and the Door to Love is opened! Come and be Loved by your Abba!

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Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever! He is alive! He is close to the broken-hearted. He is in your deepest pain and despair, just open your eyes and take his hand. He is at the gates of your body waiting! Angels are surrounding you now waiting for a word of invitation! You take one step as a prodigal son and our Father runs to welcome you and lavish his Love upon you! When you bask and receive, you grow up in this Love! The frozen, wounded child parts can thaw in the warmth of the Son and you grow emotionally, psychologically and spiritually into adulthood.

When Love has risen and bloomed within you, the Bridegroom takes you into his Heart and you become perfectly one in him! The Spirit and Bride say, “Come!” A Banquet is prepared and already on the table for you to just say Yes and Come! When you eat and drink at the table of our Bridegroom King, you will never hunger or thirst again! It is a continual banquet of delight! It is a never-ending Love Feast! The River of the Water of Life never runs dry! Your body will flow with milk and honey: love and sweetness that has no opposite! Welcome to the kingdom of the Son!

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Taste and see that God is Good! Taste his Love! Encounter the actual substance of God’s Love! See the Truth! Jesus is alive forever more! He is right at the gates of your body; let him in! He will never hurt you, never leave you, never forsake you, never over-sexualize or under-love you; never judge you, never see you any less than his Father sees you: his image and likeness!

Pure Love in the sanctity of holy matrimony is the only container for sex. Everything else wounds the soul. Turn from sexual sins and the devastation in their wake: disease, divorce, separation, broken hearts, adultery, pornography, idolatry, promiscuity, rape, perversion, sexual trafficking, sexual slavery, abuse, sexual trauma, abortion, despair, loneliness, abandonment, betrayal, enmity between the sexes, bitterness, resentment, cynicism, etc. Turn to Jesus and be healed; repent, change your mind, forgive and ask for forgiveness. Ask Dr. Jesus to remove all barriers to Love, knock down the walls, remove the body armor, circumcise your heart and let the Love pour in! Be clothed in his Love!

Pure Love heals, transforms, delivers, sets free, satisfies, and fulfills! God’s nature, his very essence, is Love! God Loves the world and he Loves you! Not love as the world defines love, or love as humans love, but pure, unadulterated Love! God is pure, holy, innocent, righteous, glorious, magnificent, all-encompassing, enfolding, nurturing, nourishing, quenching, awesome, wonderful, overflowing, unspeakable, outrageous, over the top, ravishing, extravagant Love!!!!!!!!

I can hear the footsteps of my King
I can hear his heartbeat beckoning
In my darkness He has set me free
Now I hear the spirit calling me

He’s calling, wake up child, it’s your turn to shine
You were born for such a time as this
He’s calling, wake up child, it’s your turn to shine
You were born for such a time as this
Such a time as this

I can hear a holy rumbling
I’ve begun to preach another king
Loosing chains and breaking down the walls
I want to hear the Father when He calls

He’s calling, wake up child, it’s your turn to shine
You were born for such a time as this
He’s calling, wake up child, it’s your turn to shine
You were born for such a time as this
He’s calling, wake up child, it’s your turn to shine
You were born for such a time as this
Such a time as this

This is the anthem of our generation
Here we are God, shake our nation
All we need is your love
You captivate me

This is the anthem of our generation
Here we are God, shake our nation
All we need is your love
You captivate me

This is the anthem of our generation
Here we are God, shake our nation
All we need is your love
You captivate me

I am royalty, I have destiny
I have been set free, I’m gonna shake history
I’m gonna change the world
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/jake-hamilton/the-anthem-lyrics/#2P4wlFSrgQOJilZe.99

 

 

About NewHeavenOnEarth

I am my Beloved's and He calls me His own!
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9 Responses to Oversexed and Underloved

  1. Thank you for sharing what the love of Jesus done for you. What a beautiful testimony!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. PASTOR DAVIS/MASTER TEACHER says:

    Truly an awesome testimony, deeply emotional and heartfelt. Thank you for sharing. May God bless you abundantly as you walk into your divine destiny in Jesus name Amen!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Pastor! Funny how the most shameful, difficult, grievous experiences of walking through the valley of the shadow of death and evil are used as manure to fertilize the seeds of truth that our Father planted within us before the foundation of the world. I know that those seeds were heavily watered by the prayers of my earthly mom and dad and those whom Jesus put on their heart to pray into me. I also know the mess becomes our message, the rage turns into courage, the tests become our testimony, the harm transforms into harmony with God, and what the enemy steals turns into a seal of the Holy Spirit! What the enemy destroys is restored double; what the evil one kills in us and our life, Jesus resurrects and ascends into new Life Abundant in us! Praise God! All Glory be to God Almighty!

      Liked by 2 people

      • PASTOR DAVIS/MASTER TEACHER says:

        Truly, truly my dear sister in Christ, what a beautiful testimony you have share, for the Lord is with you and He is taking you higher, opening new doors and shutting tight old ones. Continue to be strong and allow the Lord to use you for His glory in Jesus name. May the Lord’s peace love and blessings be yours to enjoy all the days of your life here on this earth.

        Liked by 1 person

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